Sunday, May 8, 2011

A Letter to My Mom on Mother's Day...

Dear Mom,

Happy Mother’s Day! Sorry, I am still an unemployed librarian. I know you are spending today thinking back to exactly one year ago, when we were together and celebrating my graduation with that Masters degree. I really wanted to put a library job offer letter in with your Mother’s Day card this year, but I guess you are going to have to settle for my promise that I won’t resort to stripping to pay the rent, regardless of how tough things have gotten. You have been nothing but my biggest supporter in my efforts to become a librarian and I cannot thank you enough for proofreading all of those term papers or for advising me not to call people idiots or morons on this blog in case someone might misunderstand my humor and use that against me in a job interview. I am so grateful for that advice, especially since sometimes I actually listen to it. I know being my mother is not easy. I think every mother wants to know that their children are happy and making a living at something they love. Thankfully, you still have my brother, and since he works with a successful comedian, hopefully that brings you joy and front-row tickets this Mother’s Day. Unfortunately, I’ve only been able to give you lame discounts at the restaurants I happen to be working at, on account of not being able to get jobs I’ve spent years training and educating myself for. Sadly, you will not be getting 50% off your dinner today. I had to quit because there was just no organization in the server side stand even after dividing up all the spoons and condiments via the Dewey Decimal system. I thought I was being helpful but my idiot manager thought it was annoying and suggested we part ways. Also, don’t expect any free books from me attending the ALA National Conference. I am so broke that I will not be able to make the trip to New Orleans in June. I know, I know, that means no beignets, as well. I don’t know what to say, paying my own way all these years in the hopes of networking myself into a job has apparently been pointless. And to think of the hundreds of people who said my business cards were so clever but never called or emailed. Bring out the violins, right? Anyway, the good news is that I still have this blog and apparently since posting my TCM/Robert Osborne interview last week, I am up to seven followers - this is huge! Oopps, I take that back. Someone just dropped off.  Probably because I used the word 'idiot.' I should have listened to you, mom. 

Happy Mother’s Day to the strongest woman I know…because being my mom is one tough job!


P.S. The reason your picture is not on here is because I remembered how mean some people (idiots) can be to me online. Why some people (morons) can’t just spend their time writing a fake letter to their mom is a bigger mystery than me not being employed by now. I will never bring you into that world, mom, even though you brought me into one with no library jobs. Thanks again.