It seems only appropriate that I was sick as 2013 merged into 2014. For too many years, I have been obsessed with the symbology of dates and committing to holiday traditions that often my plans and resolutions got in the way of me actually enjoying anything.
This holiday season (and for the first time in my life), I was sick for the weeks leading up to Christmas and into the New Year. It was a real wake-up call to the things that are most important. Family? Yes. Eggnog? No. Today is the first day that my head is actually clear enough for me to write and perhaps attempt to go to the gym. I also said that on Monday but I chickened out.
As a result of being under the weather for such an extended period of time, I had to learn to let go of some of the plans I had made so I could instead lay in bed and do absolutely nothing. Often out of boredom and a deep need to not let people down, I would down a few Dayquil and try to show up for a friend, a family member, or commit to a work obligation, but as a result, I would be back in bed the next day feeling worse, the sickness cycle starting all over once again. It was then that I realized I wasn’t going to be able to please everyone. I would have to accept the fact that I was defeated by health conditions that were beyond my control and would simply have to allow the virus to take its course, however long that would take.
It was after I embraced this weakness that I then allowed myself to sleep till one in the afternoon and do nothing but watch movies and drink tea. Aside from an occasional coughing attack, laziness was actually pretty fun! I soon began using ‘being sick’ as a reason to not work hard or be responsible. I quickly traded in my fabulous clothes for one set of flannel pajamas that I would wear 24/7, along with a hairstyle that rats would consider moving into. I found that in giving in to my ailments, I had given up on who I was in the process.
That is why today I am writing and going to the gym. There are days to give yourself time to rest and heal, but there are also days when you need to get off your ass and start living again. My wish for 2014 is for all of us to simply live each day to our full potential with or without resolutions or plans. A plan is a good guide to establish a path or a sense of direction but often it is what you do without the plan that really counts.
|Eating blackeye peas and painting the left eye |
of my Japanese Daruma Doll for luck in 2014.
OK, so I'm still a little superstitious...